Today...............

In every sense of the word "today" is "just another day", so why then am I finding "today" so tough to cope with?!

I never cope very well when Graham is away on a trip, it is then that if anything is going to go wrong you can guarantee it will! It is also when he's away that it seems everyone from the children to the Maid decide to "play me up" to the point where my nerves are in tatters and I feel my heart fluttering in my throat with the pressure of it all..............I guess I should be used to it by now, its certainly been this way for long enough, but I'm not...............overwhelming feelings of being "lonely", "useless", "worthless" and plenty of other similar descriptions of my days occur....I dread the mornings......always too early......always another "battle" to deal with. The days drag by, often with some MS fatigue thrown in for good measure......Then I dread bed time.........a restless night with one eye open and ears close to the ground for any "movement" from the children! For those who think having a big house is a luxury there are several things to consider before you make that assumption...............first theres the cleaning!!!! Thank heavens for the help of a maid.....quite why any home needs 7 toilets I'm yet to understand BUT I do know they all get used! One of the main issues a big house poses for me is the knowledge that if I sleep deeply, its doubtful I would hear the children cry out for me should they have a problem......knowing I am the only one here to listen out for them, leads to a series of VERY disturbed nights until such times as I can once again share the burden with Graham......I find myself wondering if I would have felt like this before we lost Harriet or whether somewhere deep inside me I associate the silence of night with fears of loss? I don't THINK thats the case but I'm not sure my concerns are altogether "normal" so perhaps there is some connection? It seems I have my "moaning head" on today - perhaps its because I'm tired? Perhaps its time I shook myself up a bit and looked at the brighter side rather than the negatives???!!!!

On that brighter side.............the sun is shining (not much new there!), Graham should be landing at Changi airport in around 3 hours and tomorrow I get to sit quitely on an aeroplane for 14 hours reading a book before seeing my lovely parents for the first time in what seems like eternity..............HOWEVER, even thats not enough to stop my moaning............I am going to miss my dear husband and children beyond belief.............even as I write this tears are streaming down my face at the thought......................I'm not gone long..............Just 6 days............BUT thats 6 days of love, laughter and memories that I shall miss out on ........ does that make me selfish and greedy as well as miserable and grumpy?!

I suppose I had better consider packing a few things?! I won't have time tomorrow morning as I need to go to "school" and collect some materials to plan my lessons with and arrange work permits etc.................

Sorry I haven't been my normal happy self, but this "self" is more "usual" than "not" these days!!!!!

:-)

Another day......

What an EXCITING but TOUGH day..................!

For those of you who know me, the following information may be a bore but, for those of you who don't, I'll outline the last few months....!

Since being in Singapore I have been teaching in a Kindergarten............this age group CERTAINLY wasn't my future BUT I decided ENGLISH LANGUAGE may well be.....

As such...............in between looking after my family, being a social butterfly and just about any other consideration you can make, I decided I should go back to school and STUDY! I am proud to say I have had a fruitful time over the last few months. My labours resulting in a distinction pass for the Cambridge Institute Diploma for Teachers and Trainers and a distinction pass grading for my TESOL................

Time to put this newly found knowledge in to practice and apply for suitable "positions"....TODAY I had probably the hardest "second interview" of my life! The first "introduction interview" was a breeze, yet today I was faced with 25 non English speaking Chinese/Korean/Japanese/Vietnamese students ALL expecting my miracle direction as a second interview............! Well, a miracle DID happen......despite sleep deprivation over the last 48 hours, for the worry of it all (and the planning of course!) I managed to slide myself ahead of the competitors (whoeever they may have been!) and WIN! The job was offered to me this evening! IELTS is now Internationally used in many areas - obviously in English schooling but also through Government Immigration Departments who now have introduced English standardisation tests before the "green cards" are issued, so I'm pretty proud of myself right now!!

Sorry this posting was very "exciting"! (and more importantly perhaps the ENGLISH IS A DISGRACE! I hope my students don't ever log in ;-)....)

Hope whatever you have achieved today is half as rewarding as what I have............

"I guess life deals so many hands - its how you play them that counts?!?!?!?"

Here I am

Well............who'd have believed it.......never thought I'd see the day that I became a "blogger" and shared my innermost feelings with....well....with...........WHOEVER chooses to spend time reading my ramblings! I guess I realised the importance of your inner most love and thoughts being "shared" in this way through my dear friend Shins blog and have decided I too have many things that I could "off load" and in a funny kind of way "share and educate" those who read that, that I write.....I hope you too will share your thoughts and opinions right back at me so I can learn more.....Thank you so much for reading thus far and welcome to a whole new journey...........